Mary Jane's Place, Freshman Year, Column 5

A Muddy Christmas 

There are many different Christmas traditions found on this ball of rock we affectionately call the Earth, but none have quite the same old time, homey, terribly distinct feeling of those found at Mudd.  I have, as a public service, included a few of the more colorful and yet still publishable Mudd yuletide activities.

Mudd Caroling -- As those of you that have ever gone on a frosh run know, Mudders have excellent voices, and they are more than willing to share their abilities with the public at large.  Some of the most popular hymns and carols include:  Silent Night (Silent night/Holy night/None is calm/West's alight), Oh Tanenbaum (Oh Tanenbaum, dean Tanenbaum/Will you I take my chances), Joy to the World (Joy to the world/The System's done/Let hell, do craz-y, things!), and one of the all time favorites, Wreck the Halls with Edmund Halley, which makes no sense what-so-ever, but sounds great if the singers have had a few (too many) beers.

Christmas Tree Throwing -- Once considered to be an Olympic event until deemed "utterly sill" by an unidentified IOC spokesman, this is probably the most fun you can have while wearing hiking boots.  The object is not to throw your tree the farthest, but to simply hit your appointed "tree catcher" out of a crowd of 15-20 people.  Good tree throwers are scarce, but good tree catchers are even more rare.

High Voltage Holly Hanging -- Very little is known about this activity, except that it is used by upperclassmen on frosh girls, and usually involves 40-weight motor oil.  More details will be forthcoming just as soon as I make them up, I mean, find them.

Reindeer Assassin -- One of the more demanding of traditions, it occurs only in Decembers that have a Friday the Thirteenth in them.  It seems that many Mudders don festive native costumes (ski masks, nylons over the face, etc.) and wait on the roof of Sprague for hours at a time.  It has been said that the only activity more devoid of activity is the East Dorm Christmas Party, but that is, of yet, unconfirmed.

Eggnog Burning -- It is said that Eggnog and Everclear mixed together could solve all our energy problems if only North Dormers didn't drink it all so fast.  But less seriously, it really is a sight to see, and might even be considered something to write home about, if you need to write for travel money anyhow.

Hayrides -- The author of the piece refused to comment on such activities.

Huntley Runs -- It is said that at least .05 percent of all gifts given by Mudders come from the Huntley Bookstore, so join the In crowd!  Come on down to Huntley and pick up and "H&R" for that special someone.  [This ad sponsored by no one in particular.]

So, there you have it, campers!  There are enough Mudd traditions to fill an entire rhetoric paper, but these are some of the more common and interesting, and yet still publishable ones.  So, rush on out there and try them, make up a few of your own!  At Mudd, it has been proven that finals breed insanity, which is obviously the only state of mind in which traditions get started.

Happy Holidays, to one and all, from Mary Jane to you and yours and anyone else who might be reading this and wondering what is going on.